{"id":463,"date":"2020-06-29T17:41:29","date_gmt":"2020-06-29T12:11:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/astromata.com\/blog\/?p=463"},"modified":"2020-06-29T18:10:23","modified_gmt":"2020-06-29T12:40:23","slug":"secret-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/astromata.com\/blog\/secret-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Secret\u00a0About\u00a0Relationships | What are your right desires?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you&#8217;re unhappy in your relationships, take a moment and ask yourself:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Are you unhappy because you\u2019re stuck with someone who doesn\u2019t get you?<\/li>\n<li>Are you unhappy because you haven\u2019t found the perfect person?<\/li>\n<li>Have you found the perfect person, but (s)he can\u2019t commit? (Or have you met someone else and want to leave your present relationship?) and;<\/li>\n<li>Are you wondering\u00a0when you&#8217;ll finally find the &#8220;One?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>In other words, are you spending a lot of your time and energy projecting your desires outwardly onto another person?<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s a secret about relationships that\u2019s found in the teachings of\u00a0<em>Jyotisha<\/em>\u00a0(Vedic Astrology) that if you knew you could really be happy with anyone:\u00a0\u00a0<strong><em>There are no two persons. The other person is just your projection.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>In your <a href=\"http:\/\/www.astromata.com\">natal chart<\/a>, the seventh house shows the kind of relationships you tend to have.\u00a0<strong>It\u2019s also called a \u201ckiller\u201d house.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Relationships are \u201ckillers\u201d because when not properly understood, they can really hold you back from fulfilling your highest purpose in life.<\/p>\n<p>For example, I recently read the chart of a man who was suffering in his career. He just couldn\u2019t make it happen. When I asked him what he was doing he answered plaintively, \u201csales.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cBut what I see is \u2018jazz musician,\u2019\u201d I responded.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cYes, I used to be a musician and had a really lucrative career ahead of me, but my wife pulled the plug on that. She thinks it\u2019s a pipe dream,\u201d he sighed with a sense of commited resignation.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>And then there\u2019s another client of mine who confided that if her husband doesn\u2019t \u201cget it together\u201d financially soon, she\u2019s going to leave him.<\/p>\n<p>(Meanwhile she fails to see the connection between her lack of fulfillment in her own career and her disappointment in her husband.\u00a0 She can\u2019t see how\u00a0<strong>she\u2019s projecting her own frustrated desire for herself onto him.<\/strong>)<\/p>\n<p>Not only is the the seventh house called a killer house, but it&#8217;s also called a house of \u201cdesire.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>So you could say that the reason your relationships often struggle and fail is because somewhere along the way you lost sight of what you really want. Not what you\u2019re\u00a0<em>supposed<\/em>\u00a0to want. But what you\u2019re\u00a0<em>born<\/em>\u00a0to want.<\/p>\n<p>Losing sight of your inborn desire results in a<strong>\u00a0weakened sense of life purpose.\u00a0<\/strong>Its symptoms are disillusion, unhappiness, and lack of fulfillment.<\/p>\n<p>It starts in childhood with your brothers and sisters if you have them.\u00a0<em>(If you don\u2019t, you get this lesson through peer relationships.)<\/em>\u00a0Siblings rival with each other. That\u2019s what they do. The reason they do it is to get attention from their parents\u2014<em>to be validated.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>In the process, you learn how to direct the power of your desire to be positively validated\u2014<em>because positive reinforcement feels a lot better than punishment or criticism.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>So we repress the natural desire we&#8217;re born with that\u2019s necessary to accomplish our highest life\u2019s purpose,\u00a0<strong>in favor of what brings us praise instead of blame.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Take me for example.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m the youngest of three siblings. My oldest sister is the \u201cgood\u201d one who can do no wrong. My middle sister is the \u201cartist,\u201d who possesses amazing creative skills and talents.<\/p>\n<p>When I got to school I had these precedents to live up to. Because they were praised for these qualities, I also wanted to be perceived as both \u201cgood\u201d and an \u201cartist.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But I couldn\u2019t measure up. My art teacher confirmed this when I was eight.<em>\u00a0\u201cI guess there\u2019s only one real artist in your family,\u201d<\/em>\u00a0she concluded as she viewed my lame drawing.<\/p>\n<p>So rather than pursue my desire to be viewed as a competent artist and therefore skilled human being, I redirected it to something I struggled more with and didn\u2019t want as much\u2014<em>writing.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>I also could never be as \u201cgood\u201d as my eldest sister so I was bad. As a result, I got attention. Even attention for something I didn\u2019t care about like grammar or being in trouble was better than being ignored or criticized.<\/p>\n<p>Because I never felt good enough or skilled enough in creating anything, I married someone who fulfills both desires.<\/p>\n<p>I recognize that a big reason I\u2019m attracted to my husband is because he can do everything, unlike me. He possesses so many skills and talents that even after ten years of marriage, I\u2019m still blown away at what he can do. He\u2019s also extraordinarily good\u2014a product of a nice Catholic family.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>But get this.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The only time we ever fight is when I feel he\u2019s failing at fixing something. Or not properly utilizing his many skills and talents. Or when he\u2019s not being as \u201cgood\u201d as I like.<\/p>\n<p>As long as he\u2019s fulfilling my deepest desires for myself, then we get along.\u00a0 The moment he stops reflecting back to me what I want to see in order to feel happy with myself, we fight. I question whether I made the right choice.<\/p>\n<p>The reason relationships fall apart is because the person you\u2019re relating to\u00a0<strong>fails to reflect back<\/strong>\u00a0what you want more than anything for yourself but can\u2019t express in your own life.<\/p>\n<p>In the thousands of clients I\u2019ve counseled about their relationships, this has been true in every case.\u00a0<em>Every case.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Suppose you want to be a success in business, but on a deep level you don\u2019t really believe that you can. So you attract someone who you think is such a success. As long as he\u2019s succeeding, then you\u2019re happy. The moment he fails, however, you lose your affection.<\/p>\n<p><strong>The secret to successful relationships is to be the person you want the other one to be.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>To do this, you have to grab a hold of your deepest desires\u2014t<em>he ones that you repressed because you believed at an early age you\u2019d get criticized for instead of praised.<\/em>\u00a0You have to uncover your natural instincts and not talk yourself out of them.<\/p>\n<p><strong>I know.\u00a0<em>It\u2019s hard.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But once you figure out what you really want but haven&#8217;t gone for, you can then direct the power of your desires toward fulfilling your life\u2019s highest purpose instead of expecting the other person to fulfill it for you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>And your relationships will improve. I promise.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>When you\u2019re self-empowered in your own life\u2019s\u00a0<em>dharma<\/em>\u00a0(highest life&#8217;s purpose), it\u2019s easy to attract support. You relate to the \u201cother\u201d as a compliment rather than a repository of your unfulfilled dreams.<\/p>\n<p>Vedic astrology is an amazing tool to not only see yourself and your highest life\u2019s purpose, but to\u00a0<strong>see what&#8217;s important for\u00a0<em>you<\/em>\u00a0to want.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s a lot of propaganda in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.astromata.com\/services\">spiritual<\/a> circles that having desires is bad. I would amend that by stating\u2014having\u00a0<em>wrong<\/em>\u00a0desires is bad.\u00a0<strong>What are your right desires?\u00a0<\/strong>(Meaning those that are most natural for you to have.)<\/p>\n<p>Understanding the natal chart of your partner can also be profoundly insightful.<\/p>\n<p><strong>People don\u2019t change.<\/strong>\u00a0All of us follow our life\u2019s natural expression indicated at the moment we were born. And it&#8217;s profoundly insightful to know who you are relating to on his\/her own terms, and not what you project.<\/p>\n<p>But most importantly, there&#8217;s nothing that can improve your relationships more than truly knowing what you&#8217;re here for in the highest sense.<\/p>\n<p>And by aligning completely with your\u00a0<em>dharma<\/em>\u00a0you&#8217;ll stop projecting your supressed desires onto the other that&#8217;s kiling your relationships\u2014and your happiness.<\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>\n<p class=\"pvc_stats all \" data-element-id=\"463\" style=\"\"><i class=\"pvc-stats-icon medium\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" data-prefix=\"far\" data-icon=\"chart-bar\" role=\"img\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" class=\"svg-inline--fa fa-chart-bar fa-w-16 fa-2x\"><path fill=\"currentColor\" d=\"M396.8 352h22.4c6.4 0 12.8-6.4 12.8-12.8V108.8c0-6.4-6.4-12.8-12.8-12.8h-22.4c-6.4 0-12.8 6.4-12.8 12.8v230.4c0 6.4 6.4 12.8 12.8 12.8zm-192 0h22.4c6.4 0 12.8-6.4 12.8-12.8V140.8c0-6.4-6.4-12.8-12.8-12.8h-22.4c-6.4 0-12.8 6.4-12.8 12.8v198.4c0 6.4 6.4 12.8 12.8 12.8zm96 0h22.4c6.4 0 12.8-6.4 12.8-12.8V204.8c0-6.4-6.4-12.8-12.8-12.8h-22.4c-6.4 0-12.8 6.4-12.8 12.8v134.4c0 6.4 6.4 12.8 12.8 12.8zM496 400H48V80c0-8.84-7.16-16-16-16H16C7.16 64 0 71.16 0 80v336c0 17.67 14.33 32 32 32h464c8.84 0 16-7.16 16-16v-16c0-8.84-7.16-16-16-16zm-387.2-48h22.4c6.4 0 12.8-6.4 12.8-12.8v-70.4c0-6.4-6.4-12.8-12.8-12.8h-22.4c-6.4 0-12.8 6.4-12.8 12.8v70.4c0 6.4 6.4 12.8 12.8 12.8z\" class=\"\"><\/path><\/svg><\/i> &nbsp;3,781&nbsp;total views, &nbsp;2&nbsp;views today<\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you&#8217;re unhappy in your relationships, take a moment and ask yourself: Are you unhappy because you\u2019re stuck with someone who doesn\u2019t get you? Are [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":465,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[65,66,82,81,80,67],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v17.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Secret\u00a0About\u00a0Relationships | What are your right desires? | Astromata Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Vedic astrology is an amazing tool to not only see yourself and your highest life\u2019s purpose, but to see what&#039;s important for you to want.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/astromata.com\/blog\/secret-relationship\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Secret\u00a0About\u00a0Relationships | What are your right desires? 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